I need to begin by saying that I love a good argument. My partner and I are well-matched in this trait – we so enjoy debating ideas that our daughter has learned to scuttle in and out of the family room undetected for fear of being drawn into our lively discussions.

That said, I’m also a recovering smarty pants… so that I am also developing a keen and persistent sense of my own internal desire to “take a position”, “offer a perspective”, and “fix a problem”. Oh my word, these conditioned tendencies (CTs) in me are strong and (like many a privileged Gen Xer out there) were installed in me when I was very, very young.

There’s a kickback to the “smarty pants” self-awareness journey. Because being a “smarty pants” is prevalent pattern in our culture – when you start to see it in yourself, you start to see it everywhere else too. And let me tell you, I can genuinely appreciate why my daughter prefers to dodge such interactions.

Such is my reaction to the ongoing battle surfacing around climate change – in particular – the epic battle taking place between carbon reduction and carbon removal. One need only look at any social media post by a climate technology organization to take in the emergent polarity. The basic argument: “any dollar spent on carbon removal technology is a dollar that is better spent on carbon reduction and / or nature based carbon removal solutions”. Add to this that “climate change emerged from technology; so it is unlikely that technology can get us out of this mess.”

Let me tell you that I can feel the “smarty pants” CTs firing up every time. Except that now, I see it for what it is… a desire to feel some sense of control within what is essentially a very complex, volatile, ambiguous, and uncertain future.

Such debates (however satisfying to our CTs they may be) struggle with the foundations of the climate change – our plight is such that any intervention to address climate change positively should be well understood over being well debated. Climate change cannot be fixed simply by carbon reduction or by carbon removal – we need the best of both to address this global problem. For this to happen, we need to hold our collective “smarty pants” CTs in check and use the precious time we have to better understand the relative goodness of proposed solutions (across multiple perspectives) and progress our collective agreement as to what that good can and should look like for each.

Not as satisfying as a good argument for me and my fellow smarty pants out there… but a far more generative and inclusive discussion, and one that even someone like my daughter would feel drawn to engage in.

The specifics of my request on that day are not really of consequence… be it resolved that I was in a store, looking for skin care products and that I had planned to “give myself over to an expert” to support my choices. I walked up to a friendly young woman and explained my request.

“Let’s do this!” was written in my face – or at least my eyes – as half my face was covered by a mask.

Her enthusiasm couldn’t have been more palpable. She guided me with a spring in her step to the right place and began explaining the different philosophies behind each product line. Having rationalized which line was most suitable for my needs, she then began plucking products off the shelf and handing them to me. Talking to me the whole time about the product and how to use it…. once a week here, twice a day there, this comes before that except on Wednesdays when you should never, etc.

Like kid in a candy store, I was soon overwhelmed by the different bottles and tonics around me. Taking in all this new information, I even began to ponder if getting up an extra 20 minutes early in my day would allow for my emerging skin care routine…!

I then began to regret my decision to seek out an expert. The more she spoke, the more I wanted to find a delicate way to drop all the bottles and dash out the store (“So sorry, it appears my house is on fire.”). After a moment of internal dialogue (in which I missed key details about the importance of toners vs exfoliants) – I settled myself more comfortably in my skin (pun very much intended) and interrupted her:

“Thank you for offering me so many possibilities. For now, I think that I would like to focus on 1 or 2 things that you believe would provide me the most benefits…” – I shrugged carefully the many bottles in my arms at her – “Can you pick which I should try first? When I’m ready, I promise to come back for more.”

She paused. I mean really paused. She paused in a manner that gave me confidence that her advice would be fruitful. She then picked two bottles and even prioritized them. Explained to me why these were the most important products for me. I took them both and left the store with a more easy feeling… I would not have to get up early – thank goodness for that.

Reflecting this experience made me wonder… how many times clients “run away” from our expertise – more because they are unable to address our well intentioned tyranny than because they don’t want our help?

I can happily say that one of those two products has been quite effective and that intend to return to this skin care expert for more in due course. This time; however, my request will be more specific – what is the next step (1-2 things) that I might try to get even better results?

Imagine me standing in a dance studio learning a new sequence of tap steps. There’s a lot going on internally – I am intensely looking at my teacher’s feet while simultaneously trying to command my own feet – all while keeping in tempo and rhythm with the music. I start off ok, then then start to lose the sequence – my feet are doing something I don’t yet understand but I keep at it.

At the same time, my teacher is performing the sequence perfectly all while keeping an eye on my feet and the feet of the other students. After repeating the sequence several times, she pauses – turns to me and says: “You have got the basic sequence Caroline – the first two times you do it. On the third, you are tapping with your left foot when you should be stomping, your weight is then still on your right foot and you lose all momentum for the next step. Try practicing the left side slowly a few times until your body figures it out.”

She then casually moves to the next student and offers equally gentle, precise, and thoughtful observations and support.

I’m blown away. How is it possible for her to do this?

Thinking about this over coffee the next day, I recognize that she must have gotten there through her practice… but it’s more than just repeating the steps technically. The steps have become part of her whole being… her arms move to support her shifts in weight, her feet hold emotion (I swear to you, her hops are “light and lively”) and the movements always sound and “feel right”. She can repeat the steps at any tempo with agility… it’s truly remarkable.

I realize (putting down my coffee Eureka! moment), she’s got it down so good that she no longer needs to really think about it – she has embodied the steps fully. This is what frees her up to focus her time and energy on what’s happening with her students! Where her intentional practice informs her on an instinctual level. It’s yet another beautiful example of what embodied leadership looks and feels like…! As her student – I trust her fully; her engagement and interactions couldn’t be more effective with her students; and the results are evident as we consistently make steady progress week after week in an ever increasing level of complexity of steps and sequences as a class.

In my leadership coaching practice, I always offer a customized foundational mind, heart, body practice to my clients that is aimed at helping them to master the basics of caring, authentic, purposeful leadership within themselves. We practice this together in our sessions and they are invited to take up this practice every day. For those who genuinely take up the practice – new possibilities for engaging as leaders slowly begins to emerge as they begin to embody the foundational steps of leadership in their own mind, body, and heart. As time goes on, their practice evolves and strengthens as it allows them to “keep tapping perfectly” – even under different levels of stress – freeing them up to focus their whole selves on their team, their clients, and their business. They develop new levels of trust with others who can feel into their embodied capabilities and appreciate their gentle but firm approach to leadership.

There is every reason to despair due to all the present events that seem out of our control, but there is every reason to hope that with attention and discipline, we can bring ourselves and our societies, through a kind of seasonal disappearance, back into the realm of choice. – “Essentials” by David Whyte

Reflecting on the past year and holding it within the light of a lifetime’s journey… I am ever more appreciative of the gifts of Winter. Though my sense is that very few of us genuinely embrace the gifts of this season.

I see us struggle when we fall in and out of the traps of our relentless productivity. It seems as if the gifts of Spring and Summer are ever abundant… and there is an underlying anticipation – surely all of this work will create a boundless harvest for us someday?

In what space do we pause to truly savour the fruits of our labour? How do we in turn take in and accept the natural ebb and flow of the harvest? Where do we step back and take in the world around us to see – was there enough for us all?

And then, where do we genuinely allow ourselves to be covered by a thick blanket of snow and allow for what needs to be let go? Where do we make space to nourish ourselves deeply – creating the well grounded space where Spring will someday take shape?

So that I would seek (for all of us) the attention and discipline required to genuinely receive the gifts of Winter… ever inviting us back into the realm of choice.

Many weeks ago (before the world of physical distancing), I had the opportunity to attend a dress rehearsal for a group of young dancers. Late into the day, a young dance pair took the stage for the first time to perform a duet.

As is typical in such situations, the male dancer (let’s call him Jim) was taller and older than his partner. The female dancer (let’s call her Susan) was by all accounts the better dancer. They performed their dance carefully and we could sense the tentative nature of their partnership. Near the end, Jim was to lift Susan then spin her downwards gracefully onto her pointed toes. But this is not what happened… in a feat of strength he spun her too quickly and she landed instead on her knees.

What happened afterwards was interesting. The surprise from Susan was quite visible… but she stumbled up and kept dancing. Jim seemed unmoved by what happened in the moment. When the number was done, their teacher stepped up and spoke to them (and – indeed – to the audience of supportive parents and peer dancers).

Teacher: “Partnership is the balance between strength and technique. Jim, you could pick up two Susans with your strength – but that’s not what’s needed here – you must be able to yield to her technique and together (that includes you Susan) control what’s happening. Susan, are you ok?”

Susan nodded. Jim looked (for the first time) affected by the outcome of the fall.

Teacher: “Now, do it again. Together this time.”

They performed the spin – still too fast but, this time, Susan was prepared and planted her feet on the ground to prevent herself from falling.

Teacher: “Better. Jim, you need to yield to Susan. Susan good work finding your feet. Again.”

By the third time, they had struck a better – but still tentative – balance.

A few things came to mind as I watched them dance. The first is how I wish all of us could have the gift of a good teacher during such moments in our lives. The second is how important it is in life to find the right balance between strength and technique. Consider…